As far as flying, my fear goes way back, before 9/11 - I hate flying and get all worked up when I have to (which hasn't been very often), making myself physically ill at the thought. No matter how much I try to convince myself to calm down, it's easier said than done. I hate that trapped feeling, and not being in control. Not much help in answering your question, but I know how you feel. Perhaps I'll get some good hints on dealing with my fear here, too!
kerrit