1) believe her....
2) support ANY and I mean ANY decision she makes...she knows what it will take to keep her alive
(think of it this way: the victims I most hated to work with were cops wives...they know where all the shelters are/they know the system/they are part of the system that is supposed to help, but they can and will use that system to their advantage...we had a woman in shelter one time...her husband was a sharpshooter for Zone.... in Pittsburgh....every night I would go to work and have visions of him sitting in the woods with a high-powered rifle and a scope..that happened 12 years ago and it still gives me the willies(just think how hard it would be to hide from a SEAL??? Sorry Tom:) can you imagine??? you wouldn't stand a chance))))))))))))))))
One time we had an Ambassador from ....... wife/children in shelter...man did we move her in and out fast:)....When I pulled in to work that day the shelter was hopping:) She had one of those shiny black Lincoln/government vehicles...it was beautiful...it also stuck out like a sore thumb...this woman had driven around the South for four days/nights, no sleep, with her children in the car...she was smart she went back to her starting point...half way away again...then back again.. then took off for PA...clever lady....brilliant moves on her part kept her alive...then the problem was getting her to an airport/and getting her passport back...but that's another story:)
3)get her the numbers/locations for the local dv programs/shelters.
4) try not to get angry or frustrated when she doesn't act immediatly...maybe she can't and you don't know why....
5) flat out ask her what she needs you to do...she just may need you to listen and not judge....
6) she probably doesn't have a dime to her name...so even if you can spare $1.00 it will help her...or phone cards are always helpful...
7) let her store a bag with you that has:
an extra set of car/house keys....extra glasses/extra prescription meds...copies of SS cards/birth certifcates/marriage/divorce papers/driver's licence/insurance cards (medical/car) one set of clothes for everyone she would have with her if she had to leave quick/baby/kid stuff if she has them...tell her a good place to hide (any money she may be able to get her hands on)is the inside of a tampon/take out the cotton/string part put the money in....put the paper back on and put it back in the box:)
Just listening/believing and supporting her is the best thing we can do for any victim
and Mary please never scare me like that again:)
Brenda