I can only give you my experience. I'm sure other military spouses have their own experiences...I've heard stories, good and bad from other spouses about their "reintegration" (that's the buzz word now *g*).
I was involved in an amazing FRG (Family Readiness Group). We were so involved w/ each other while our husbands (our tight group was all women) were gone. I think that's very important...to be w/ the other women who were going through what I was going through. It kept me more focused on why my husband was not home. It's easy to lose sight of the mission and feel sorry for yourself. My FRG had activities and, even, classes for the spouses. We had specific meetings before the unit redeployed (meaning coming back to the states, not deploying "again") in which we had guest speakers and religious advisers that spoke about the reintegration process. It was all very helpful. (the military has SO many resources for spouses and families that it's crazy to not take advantage of it)
I, personally, found that the reintegration was very easy. I almost felt like my husband had never been gone...everything just slipped right back into place. However, we were very lucky. My husband had computer or phone access and we spoke to each other about 3X a week...sometimes more. At first, I felt horrible talking about everything going on at home b/c he left last Dec, but I realized he wanted to hear so he could keep up w/ everything. I would tell him the mundane details of the day and he felt still involved in the family. Many units have computers w/ webcams. Also, there is video teleconferencing that was offered at the unit (and other places on post).
I did find that my husband had a harder time being away than I did. The reason being, I still had a life over here, I had the kids,etc. He had no one except the guys (which can be more stress than anything else LOL My husband was the commander which is not very fun LOL). And there are reintegration "classes" for them also before they come home.
And even though we have had an easy reintegration, it hasn't always been easy. Some days I think "go to work, I need MY time!!" Or I tell my kids "go ask your Daddy, there IS someone else here to help now!" LOL But, many families have more of an adjustment...I've always been the "you go to work and I'll do everything else" in our family...I"m very independent. However, many families have the man coming home and taking over the "Head of the Household" role again.
There are just so many different situations.
I know I'm rambling. *g*
Here are a couple of links for Army families if you're curious about some of the resources available:
http://www.armyonesource.com/ctim/index.aspx?ctim=105.371.1145.5296
http://www.armyonesource.com/ctim/index.aspx?ctim=105.371.1145.5296