And if we're going through a rough patch in the air, I look at the attendant nearest me (if I can see one belted into the jump seat during takeoff, for instance) and wait for them to look anything other than bored. Jolts and bumps that have me holding my breath don't even disturb them in the slightest. I find them a good gauge of whether or not my nervous feelings are rational.
On 9/11. I got sucked into watching the TV show of "The Flight that Fought Back". The thing that I took away from it was that it wasn't knives that took down the plane. It was the assurances from the hijackers that the plane would land safely, if only people would cooperate, that was the hijackers biggest asset, not knives. This worked on 3 planes, but by the 4th, the jig was up. The people on the flight decided that they'd rather go down or try to fly themselves, than be a flying bomb and took action.
I think the American media is also to blame for much of our irrational fear of disaster. "If it bleeds, it leads" means that we get disproportionate coverage of disasters. When you talk about something a lot, your brain processes every conversation as a new event. So if you talk about one disaster 40 times, your memory is apt to think 40 disasters happened, and you get worked up even though you know, in the less primal parts of your brain that it was only 1 thing. So when you're hearing news of death, destruction, crashed planes, auto wrecks, etc... EVERY DAY on the news, your brain no longer accepts that the risk is infintissimal because it has evidence all around that disaster is lurking around every corner. To dispel that with an example: My neighbor flew for northwest for 30+ years and never had a near miss, even flying over LA during the riots and to India during Persian Gulf action (although they did take evasive action similar to what he'd done during military action flights.) So even though your brain sees disasters everywhere, nearly every commercial pilot and flight attendant lives to get their pension. And the % who don't were more likely to have died driving to work than on the job. I know dozens of other people who work/ed for NWA and none has had more than a rotator cuff injury on the job.
All you can do that I know of is try to talk yourself around it. If it's a cripling fear, try therapy. If it's something you can overcome on your own, use the porn :) Maybe try to focus on your destination or how much you used to like flying.
Good luck. Let us know where you go!
-Erika
P.S. I also find that wearing earplugs (when not wearing headphones if you want to listen to the show) helps decrease the amount of energy I expend processing my environment and I get off the plane more relaxed and rested than if I'd been listening to all the bustle and engine noise full out. I just figured this out recently and it's made a great difference in how exhausted flying makes me. Cutting the volume of the background is key. I realize this doesn't help fear of flying, but if you're listening for creaks and goans of the superstructure, this will help reduce the number of shocks to your system.