From: SAM::PRICE "Spider Joe" 4-DEC-1990 13:45:03.45 To: @NIGHTS CC: SOCK_MONITORS.DIS Subj: New Sock Policy __________________________________________________________________________ SOCK CODE __________________________________________________________________________ The Human Resources Employee Conformance Standards Watchdog Committee has discovered that not all employees are wearing socks with their shoes. This is not acceptable. Our professional atmosphere is maintained, in part, by the image our shod feet present to the outside world. Socks make the difference between success or failure for a company. In fact, in the absence of more conventional demonstrations of professionalism, socks are a key factor in our drive to appear professional. Beginning today, employees must wear something between their shoes and their feet. To facilitate enforcement of the new sock policy, we are instituting the following practices: (1) All employees must wear socks between their feet and their shoes. (2) All socks should be in matched pairs (i.e., each matched pair of feet should have a matched pair of socks). (3) All shoes should be of the kind that makes socks requisite. (4) All socks should be without holes. (5) All socks should be completely covered by shoes and pant legs. (6) All socks should be tasteful. Plain socks are preferred. If patterned, socks should be of a design that fits the image of the company. Argyle socks are not acceptable. (7) All socks should have collars. (Sock ties may be required in the future.) Managers shall henceforth ensure that all employees conform to the new sock policy. Surprise sock inspections will be held at management's discretion. Sock monitors will be available to help with periodic inspections. Employees who do not conform to the new corporate sock policy will be dismissed. Employees who wear argyle socks will be shot. With this in mind, we have officially designated Mondays and Fridays as "casual sock" days. These designated days (with the exception of those employees who have meetings scheduled with visitors) allow employees to dress their feet casually in a manner appropriate for a business office. (This does not excuse argyle socks.) Compliance with this policy will entitle you to participate in the next round of employee sock options. Support safe socks! (signed) The Mgt ************************************************************************** From: SAM::PRICE "Spider Joe" 7-DEC-1990 10:03:34.49 To: @NIGHTS CC: SOCK_POLICE.DIS Subj: More Sock News! Don't tell anyone, but I think I might have forgotten to wear socks today. I'm not sure. You know how hard it is to get these cowboy boots on and off. I can survive this personal tragedy. Still, my little, insignificant problem has reminded me of how fragile is our personal security. I am reminded, too, of how, in the past, we have always managed to help one another through times of trial. It would be in keeping with that old fashioned DAVID spirit (from days of yore) if we could maintain a pool of public, corporate socks. Such a sock stock would be on hand for use by those foolish or careless enough to come to work without their own. I therefore propose that we subscribers to Spider Joe's Magazine for Men (Macho Tales! The Kind Men Like!) begin the First Annual DAVID Systems Inc Sock Drive. Beginning Monday, each of us should bring at least one pair of socks. Please note the following qualifiers: 1. Naturally, "One Size Fits All" is preferred. The community of corporate feet is a diverse and varied one, and we wouldn't want to leave anyone out because of faith, religion, personal belief, creed, conviction, philosophy, world view, or size. 2. New socks would be nice, but used socks are okay if clean. Really clean. Very clean. We're thinking major clean, here. Wash them in that detergent with the little blue things. 3. Minimal holes might be tolerated. Major holes will be reasons for rejection. 4. Socks should be tasteful. We are all average ladies and gentlemen, after all. In keeping with this requirement: Argyle socks will be refused. White socks will be frowned upon. Tube socks will be burned in effigy. We will maintain a generous supply of public corporate socks in a conspicuous place. Anyone in need, anyone whose personal appearance is jeopardizing our corporate image, can feel free to come to the sock pool and drink of its cup (figuratively speaking, of course). We can also donate a generous supply of socks to Human Resources to help them out as their Personnel Personal Appearance campaign starts to ramp up. (But be warned that socks so donated should not have holes. Any holy socks will have to be our little secret.) The Publishers of Spider Joe's Magazine for Men (Macho Tales! The Kind Men Like!) encourages you to help get this campaign started on the right foot. Especially during this season of generosity and cheer, lets put our best feet forward to make this First Annual DAVID Systems Inc Sock Drive a real success. A successful First Annual Drive will give us a real toehold on plans for future drives (such as the forthcoming First Annual DAVID Systems Inc Collar Drive, which will remedy another major deficiency in current standards of dress). Don't be a part of the problem. Be a part of the solution. Give! ************************************************************************** From: GUMMO::PRICE "Spider Joe" 9-DEC-1990 14:36:33.42 To: @SOCKS CC: SOCK_POLICE.DIS Subj: Foot Dickies Of late, we have observed deviant, noncompliant employees violating the letter and the spirit of the recently introduced Sock Code by wearing foot dickies during the normal working schedule for regular, full-time employees, which consists of a five-day period (Monday through Friday), with work hours beginning at 8:00 A.M.~and ending at 5:00 P.M.~with a one-hour (1-hour) lunch break. Foot dickies, as you all well know, are tubular constructs of fabric or like material that appear as socks to the casual eye, but in fact do not extend below the top area of the shoe. Foot dickies cover only the exposed areas of skin without providing the required layer of fabric or like material between foot and shoe. In our view, foot dickies are the moral equivalent of thongs and flip-flops. In response to this spreading corruption, please note the following addendum to the previously published Sock Code: (8) Addendum: Foot dickies are forbidden during the normal working schedule for regular, full-time employees, which consists of a five-day period (Monday through Friday), with work hours beginning at 8:00 A.M.~and ending at 5:00 P.M.~with a one-hour (1-hour) lunch break. Obviously, we are not concerned about mere appearance. The issue is compliance. Making, selling, wearing, exchanging, smuggling, or in any other way dealing in foot dickies may be considered grounds for removing employees from the Sock Option Plan. ************************************************************************** From: GUMMO::PRICE "Spider Joe" 10-DEC-1990 13:23:07.73 To: @SOCKS CC: SOCK_MONITORS.DIS Subj: Sock-O-Thon Update The First Annual DAVID Systems Inc Sock Drive is in full swing. We all recognize that our professional atmosphere is maintained, in part, by the image our feet present to the outside world, particularly during the normal working schedule for regular, full-time employees, which consists of a five-day period (Monday through Friday), with work hours beginning at 8:00 A.M.~and ending at 5:00 P.M.~with a one-hour (1-hour) lunch break. The first thing someone from the outside world asks when they visit our company is "Do they wear socks?" (The second thing they ask is "Do they wear thongs and flip-flops?") While the early results are disappointing, donations are rolling in, as represented graphically by the First Annual DAVID Systems Inc Official Sock Drive Sock-O-Meter. __________________________________ The First Annual DAVID Systems Inc Official Sock Drive SOCK-O-METER ---------------------------------- ____ /****\ 100 Our Goal! Official Pledge | | Chronometer | | +----------+ | | | Day 1 | | | +----------+ | | 95 | 10:22:00 | | | +----------+ | | | | | | | | 90 | | | | | | | | | | 85 | | | | | | | | | | 80 | | | | | | | | | | 75 | | | | | | | | | | 70 | | | | | | | | | | 65 | | | | | | | | | | 60 | | | | | | | | | | 55 | | | | | | | | | | 50 | | | | | | | | | | 45 | | | | | | | | | | 40 | | | | | | | | | | 35 | | | | | | | | | | 30 | | | | | | | | | | 25 | | | | | | | | | | 20 | | | | | | | | | | 15 | | | | | | | | | | 10 | | |....| |....| |....| |....| 05 |....| |....| |....| |....| +----+ 00 The First Annual DAVID Systems Inc Official Sock Drive "We don't know you...but we love you." Give a pair today. ____ ************************************************************************** From: SAM::PRICE "Spider Joe" 11-DEC-1990 11:10:33.71 To: @SOCKS CC: SOCK_MONITORS.DIS Subj: Morning Sock Update Socks are up sharply this morning in heavy trading with a volume of 14.3 million pairs. Response to the recently announced First Annual DAVID Systems Inc Sock Drive has driven selected sock issues significantly higher. The broad sock market continues to move ahead in strength, certain to break through the 2916.00 resistance level in early trading. Investors warn, however, that select narrowly-based issues may prove to be the Achilles Heel of this market when Tokyo opens for tomorrow's trading. Experts continue to monitor the progress of the Sock-O-Meter as the leading indicator of sock futures. In related news, the bottom fell out of foot dickies as investors scrambled to meet their short obligations. Our correspondent in Paris warns that the narrowly based foot dickie market, only recently the foot-loose and fancy free darling of the hot foot issues, has overstepped its bounds. Indications are that London argyle traders will continue to toe the line, in spite of widespread consensus among international sock market managers that the argyle market doesn't have a leg to stand on. ************************************************************************** From: GUMMO::PRICE "Spider Joe" 12-DEC-1990 10:44:46.90 To: @SOCKS CC: SOCK_MONITORS.DIS Subj: Sock-O-Thon Update Shhhhhhhh! Listen! What do you hear? Nothing! That's right. This is the Quiet Drive---no sock messages this morning, except for messages telling you that we're not sending you any messages. If you like the idea of a Quiet Drive, remember...it can continue only with your support. So give now. We don't want to continue interrupting your normal working schedule for regular, full-time employees, which consists of a five-day period (Monday through Friday), with work hours beginning at 8:00 A.M.~ and ending at 5:00 P.M.~ with a one-hour (1-hour) lunch break. We like the idea of a Quiet Drive. But we must have your support. The Sock-O-Meter will show you how much progress we've made in the past few pledge breaks, and when we reach our goal, the Quiet Drive will end. So give now. Our Internet address is 192.84.112.214. Network operators are standing by. __________________________________ The First Annual DAVID Systems Inc Official Sock Drive SOCK-O-METER ---------------------------------- ____ /****\ 100 Our Goal! Official Pledge | | Chronometer | | +----------+ | | | Day 3 | | | +----------+ | | 95 | 10:37:04 | | | +----------+ | | | | | | | | 90 | | | | | | | | | | 85 | | | | | | | | | | 80 | | | | | | | | | | 75 | | | | | | | | | | 70 | | | | | | | | | | 65 | | | | | | | | | | 60 | | | | | | | | | | 55 | | | | | | | | | | 50 | | | | | | | | | | 45 | | | | | | | | | | 40 | | | | | | | | | | 35 | | | | | | | | | | 30 | | | | | | | | | | 25 | | | | | | | | | | 20 | | |----|<---- 18 socks! Keep 'em coming! |----| |----| |----| 15 |----| |----| |----| |----| |----| 10 |----| |----| |----| |----| |----| 05 |----| |----| |----| |----| +----+ 00 The First Annual DAVID Systems Inc Official Sock Drive "We don't know you...but we love you." Give a pair today. ____ ************************************************************************** From: GUMMO::PRICE "Spider Joe" 24-MAY-1991 12:23:33.59 To: @SOCKS CC: SARTOR RESARTUS Subj: Big Sock Sale! The Committee for Human Resources Employee Conformance Standards Watchdog Group believes that our professional atmosphere depends on the image each DSI foot presents to the outside world. This creed is the mainstay of our policy requiring employees to wear socks at all times. To aid this policy, the CHRECS Watchdog Group is now offering Official DSI Socks for the benefit of all employees. These handcrafted, embossed, embroidered, and thoroughly (but tastefully) decorated socks are a giveaway at $34 per pair, a drop in the bucket considering that each individual sock is costing the company $21 dollars. We have already ordered 11,000 socks (5500 pairs), but we expect them to sell quickly. Order yours now. Remember, the more you order, the more you save. (The standard order of twelve pairs will save you nearly a hundred dollars. If we gave these socks away, your savings would not be nearly as impressive.) One size fits all. As an added incentive to purchase socks, we are pleased to announce that $4 from each purchase will go to the Committee for Human Resources Employee Conformance Standards Watchdog Group to support our Sock Monitor program. ************************************************************************** From: GUMMO::PRICE "Spider Joe" 1-AUG-1991 13:25:42.17 To: @SOCKS Subj: Congratulations on a successful drill! Attention All Employees. This has been an officially sanctioned DSI ExpressNetworks Human Resources Employee Activity Committee Picnic Drill!!! Had this been a real Picnic, you would have been instructed to turn to a Human Resources Employee Activity Committee member for picnic conformance and participation procedures in your area!!! In the event of a real Picnic, you would have had the afternoon off!!! Provided you attended!!!