From:	MINNA::PRICE        "Spider Joe" 29-NOV-1989 10:12:13.42
To:	SWENG,HWENG
Subj:	Spider Joe's Cafe Americain will open its doors tomorrow...

Spider Joe's Cafe Americain, where life is cheap, and anything can be
had---for a price, will be serving the fourth 2nd Annual Pubs brunch
tomorrow in the Quartier de Voleurs.  The Cafe doors open at 10:00AM.

A special Caffeine Assault Team headed by Mountain Man Minetti will
serve espresso (person for person, Italian coffee makers are the
equal of Belgian waffle makers and earn almost as much per hour.)  As
a complement to the exquisite cafe Italiano, we will provide
fresh-baked croissants (still warm, as usual, from Ms. Joe's oven)
and anything else in the way of preserves, cheeses, and the like we
can scrounge up from willing volunteers.  (Any volunteers?)

For those who have been sampling our croissants for four years and
now expect a full portion, particularly those fully vested in an
option on a complete croissant, we've devalued the flour and did a
reverse split on the yeast.  This year, no one gets a whole croissant.
Enjoy.  Napkins will be provided.



From:	MINNA::PRICE        "Spider Joe" 29-NOV-1989 13:44:26.25
To:	SWENG,HWENG
Subj:	the fourth 2nd Annual Pubs Brunch is shaping up---however...

There has been one question and one request.  The question was why is
this the fourth 2nd Annual Pubs brunch.  The answer is simple.  The
first one, way back before there was even a DCN or a Quartier des
Voleurs around here, we had the first 2nd Annual Pubs brunch.  (We
wanted to start with the 2nd to give the affair a sense of tradition.)
Since then, there have been two others.  This will be the fourth.

The request has to do with the fact that there is a well-attended
release meeting starting at 10:00AM.  This does pose a problem, since
the current plan called for a distribution of equitable potables at
10:00AM, although you do have the alternative of exercising an option
on potable equities before then.  Hence, according to the strictest
rules, attendees will not be fully vested in their food options until
10:00 o'clock.  Under the circumstances, any attendee attending the
well-attended meeting may begin exercising their espresso option at
9:45, to the tune of approximately one-third of one cup.  At ten
o'clock, the one-third cup will be equivalent to one-quarter cup, but
we will switch to larger cups.  9:45 attendees that do not attend the
meeting and do not drink their allotted cup can exchange it for .6
larger cups, which will be equivalent to 1.3 of the smaller cups that
the people who attended the meeting would have got in the first place
but didn't if they skipped the meeting instead.  In order to get a
full standard cup, however, you will have to attend the brunch and
stay there all day and exchange your .6 larger cup for one-quarter of
its total assessed revaluation in terms of smaller cups, which makes
it roughly equivalent to the value you wouldn't have gotten anyway
except now you have to wait longer for it.  This policy does not
apply to croissants or additional incentive potables, about which
more later.




From:	MINNA::PRICE        "Spider Joe" 29-NOV-1989 14:55:01.91
To:	SWENG,HWENG
Subj:	so far, we're still on for 9:45 or 10:00 (or whenever)...

Since the last message, I have been bombarded with questions asking
for details pertaining to how the well-attended 9:45 release meeting
will impact the net fiscal revaluation of the equitable non-liquid
potables as they pertain to the fourth 2nd Annual Pubs brunch.  This
is not a simple issue.  It requires an unsimple answer.  Hence, I
have prepared the following table.  This table describes the
situation of an inhabitant of the Thieves' District with an option on
one cup of espresso, one whole croissant, one half ounce cheese, and
one teaspoon of marmalade, vesting over the entire brunch period, and
who has attended the entire brunch, did not come early to take
advantage of the pre-meeting option, but also did not attend between
10:30 and 10:38 AM for reasons of personal hygiene, but is there now
anyway:
              +--------------------------------------------------+
              | EPs | SPOs | LPOs | CPs | BNP | FTO | I/HB | Net |
              +--------------------------------------------------+
  Before 9:45 | 1/4 |  11  |  00  | 1/3 | 1/2 | 625 |  02  | .17 |
              +--------------------------------------------------+
   After 9:45 | 1/3 |  65  |  28  | 4/3 | 1/1 | 0.4 |  76  | .42 |
              +--------------------------------------------------+
Exactly 10:00 | 7/4 |  40  |  94  | 2/7 | 3/8 | 991 |  34  | .06 |
              +--------------------------------------------------+
  After 10:00 | 6/7 |  14  |  18  | 039 | 3/2 | 874 |  63  | .22 |
              +--------------------------------------------------+
After 4 hours | 4/5 |  16  |  53  | 3/1 | 2/1 | 126 |  11  | .94 |
              +--------------------------------------------------+
 Total (TPPE) | 1/4 |  11  |  00  | 1/3 | 1/2 | 625 |  02  | .17 |
              +--------------------------------------------------+

That probably answers all of your questions.  To clarify the sushi
controversy, if sushi is served on November 30, espresso options will
automatically become fully vested except for those who hadn't left
early (between 9:45 and 10:00 AM) to attend a meeting, otherwise your
espresso options will convert to the actual consumable value at the
time of the initial brunch, barring only the initial net value of any
assessment made apropos to the consideration of any other options as
determined by us.  Croissant options will not automatically vest if
sushi is served, although each option will be worth one croissant
guaranteed at fair market value at the time of sushi.  More or less.

By the way, back when we weren't sure we were going to have a brunch,
I invested some of my own money to get things going.  Any attendee
who supplies any portion of any of the potables has the right to
consume as much of anything he likes.  I eat first.  I eat early.




From:	GUMMO::PRICE        "Spider Joe" 21-AUG-1990 14:04:39.78
To:	@NIGHTS
Subj:	Tomorrow morning. Wednesday. 10:00 AM. Another affair to remember.

Beau Bierman, Texas Ranger and veteran of the El Paso Salt Wars,
recently acquired an exotic condiment (actually, his sister, just
inches ahead of the law, smuggled it out of Turkey in a hollow
plaster casting of a Maltese falcon).  We decided it was time to have
something to have exotic condiments with.

Consequently, come with us once again to the sleepy West Texas town
of Loma Sonoma, walk down the twisted streets (well... street,
actually) of Loma Sonoma's Quartier des Voleurs, pass through the
imported rattan swinging doors of Spider Joe's Cafe Americain, where
life is cheap, and anything can be had---for a price.

Sourdough biscuits will be served tomorrow morning starting at 10 AM.
And for those who remember my last batch of sourdough biscuits,
anyone caught making wisecracks about "sourdough patties" will be
ejected.  Probably.  And forcibly, too.

In addition, since Alberto and I haven't yet had an official welcome
for our resident espresso maker, we will serve espresso and coffee in
a variety of forms and with all the appropriate extras.  We can
attempt capuccino, but no guarantees.  Additional surprises may be in
store, so come on over, pardners, to the Old West, where men were
men, women were women, and sheep were confused.  




From:	GUMMO::PRICE        "Spider Joe" 22-AUG-1990 10:02:39.19
To:	@NIGHTS
Subj:	biscuits and stuff are ready 

It's 10:00 AM.  The coffee's hot.  The espresso'd steaming.  The biscuits
are ready.  And if I can round up Bierman the exotic condiments will be
served.  (Although we're not entirely without exotic condiments on our own.)

Some of you experienced difficulty finding the Quartier des Voleurs
of Loma Sonoma.  It is a rather small to have a Thieve's Quarter.
Actually, it consists of the Thieve's Quarter only.  Rest assured
that the other quarters are in the planning stages, but the Founding
Fathers wanted to get down to business right away.  Anyway, come by
for free food.


	  This event is a sanctioned A Fong's Video Theatre
	  Internationale Adults Only Presentation. In black
			     and white.




From:	GUMMO::PRICE        "Spider Joe" 13-FEB-1991 10:17:15.12
To:	ENG
CC:	WHOEVER WALKED OFF WITH THAT MACINTOSH
Subj:	noncompeting Valentine's Day (VD) cookies...

They're here...the traditional, annual Spider Joe's Traditional Annual VD
Cookies (now in their fifth year) are available from the bookcase across
from Linda's and Raj's office.  Please help yourselves.  Normally, I
bring these cookies on the 14th, but because of the cookie contest, I
thought I'd better bring my noncompeting cookies a day early.  Enjoy.

(No, I didn't bake them.  Those of you who remember my notorious sourdough
patties know why I don't do cookies.  You can thank my life partner, who
claims to enjoy doing such things.)

Please note:  Spider Joe's Traditional Fifth Annual VD Cookies are an
              unofficial, unsanctioned, underground DAVID event.